Saturday, August 11, 2012


How to get true love?

How to get true love? I asked myself, I searched million books, I read magazines but the answer was lying within me. It took a while for me to understand the meaning of true love. I thought it’s bookish but still I was hunting for that someone special.

Every body told me that I should be good looking or should have a rocking career or I should give flowers or I should be a hunk. Well all the suggestions were confusing. I saw myself in the mirror and I started comparing myself to others, at start I felt I am the best and no one can beat me.

I approached her; I thought to use me as me instead of being someone else. I presented my honesty, I disclosed the real me. Well I knew the results; she said very frankly that I am not interested. I felt terribly bad as her rejection was public, it made me feel ugly, I asked if we can be friends and her answer was I have my friends. Well that moment was a full stop.

I was being a pusher and stupid. I thought that it’s the end and I came home, crying like a girl, watching myself in mirror feeling terribly pathetic this time. I was not considering myself as human instead I wanted to even beg for her one look. Damn that infatuation was dangerous. I took immense amount of time to realize that it’s not love and simply a crush. I was browsing her face book page again and again like any insane person who is just a sex seeker. I admit I was desperate but the way she treated me was very annoying. Every time I tried to contact her, she insulted me, she made me realize that I am not the one she was looking for, and there are better options available for her.

I feel so angry and annoyed at times not on her but on myself that why I made her feel like a queen? Why I treated myself so inhumanly? Why I didn’t consider my own respect? Why I was happy in that pathetic state?

Well for a while I ignored everyone around me , I used to get irritated at small things easily , I quit my relations with my friends and work and college mates. I wanted isolation and a time to think about myself. I remember I used to isolate myself and ask myself that what I really want? Why I am in this pathetic state? Is there any chance to get myself carried away to a better position?

I realized by time that I am a human and I should give another chance to myself. The thing is that I was rejected by another ordinary human and not by god, so why I am feeling guilty and sad? I also realized that she was not the last woman left on earth, so why I am worried? She was certainly not the most beautiful woman, so why I felt pathetic? I got the answers soon as I started trusting myself, the isolation turned out to be positive, I felt that I should try again.

My biggest motivation was to be real as I know the relationships based on fake arrangements do not last for long. I am not the guy who will showcase money or status to fetch a girl. I am me, love me or leave me. If I am talkative then yes I am and I will not pretend to be shy or quiet just to match your ideology.

We say opposites attract but soon they get apart as opposites are opposites, its like North Pole and South Pole. One is shy and other is outgoing, so there are chances of quarrels as thinking will defiantly be different and communication will be debatable and argumentative.

I can flaunt money or precious gifts to fetch her but again by doing this I would be fooling myself. Because it’s me who wants love and not my expensive car. Guys who are desperate lose there money , there self respect , themselves for that phase of enjoyment but losing myself and being a puppet is not my cup of tea.

I am a man and I want to be and act like one. I cannot criticize any other girl for her clothes just to impress her; I cannot hate gulabjamun because she is diet conscious. The most surprising thing is that we never ever sacrificed anything for the happiness and liking of our parents but we get so excited to transform ourselves into a new avatar for a complete stranger.

I have started my journey again and I will again switch to dating but I won’t force anyone to like me or love me. I am leaving everything on destiny, if the person I am gona met now is meant to be my lover then its fine and if she is meant to be just friends then also its fine and even if she is meant to be nothing, then also its fine.

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