Sunday, June 3, 2012

I cannot even repair my life...must read

My anger was temporary and I was angry because I was hurt. We show our anger to our loved ones because we love them and we don’t feel hesitant in expressing our thoughts and feelings.

But why parents take us for granted?

They are our creators but we are not machines or Robots, we cannot behave like non living things. We need love, we need trust, and we need support. I guess food and shelter are not the only needs of a child. Well I can be the happiest person even if I am born in a poor family and I can be the saddest person even if I am born in a rich family. The thing is it becomes really hard to identify the true meaning of love when parents make you realize that how pity they feel about you.

My dreams were shattered as my wings were trimmed and finally destroyed by the verbal attacks of my family and relatives. Every one needs support, encouragement and acknowledgement in order to achieve the goals and aims in life but when you are constantly made realize that you are a big zero , you don’t feel positive any more.

My life has always been directed and I worked like a street dog with no permanent goal or job. I was never a special one. My life is a shit and I feel guilty because the decisions I made were powerful enough to throw me into the garbage.

I never said no, I never argued, I never complained and still I am selfish. Today my stage is seriously out of the question, I cannot even repair my life. I guess my whole life is a nightmare. I was always into a misconception that family is the only one you can trust but trust me you cannot trust anyone and sometimes not even yourself.

I know I will die very soon as the kind of life I am living, it’s killing me from inside. I don’t feel anything about anyone now , I don’t even care what people say about me , I know they laugh at me , they take me as a joke , let them play with my feelings. When my own family do not consider me as human then why I should expect anything from the outsiders.

I miss my childhood terribly I was so happy when I was a child; no worries just play but now its like living in hell. I miss you mom, you were the best mother but I am the worst child. I am sorry if I have ever offended you but don’t worry I am coming mom, soon I will be dead and that will be the awesome feeling.

 I will always blame god for making my life so disgusting and now I don’t want to live. I prefer being a spirit then a human. I am constantly failing and I don’t fulfill anyone’s expectations. I don’t want to be a waste, I just want a life and that life is impossible so it’s better to say good bye.

I don't know when i will gather courage to fight . Committing suicide might be easy but i don't want to be labeled as a dickhead so i guess i have to live . I have to be prepared for the worst and soon i will achieve the true state of peace. 

I will not hope as i have done that before and now i am just ready to  live with dignity.

Total Pageviews

Follow by Email