Sunday, January 15, 2012

dying to feel like a human

My life is my lie. People invest there whole lives in living there ambitions and goals but I am investing my whole life in lie. I am not me and I am not living at ease. It feels like my spirit is in someone else body and I want to be free. My self confidence is destroyed. I don’t have any hopes with anyone. I am letting everything go out of my hands. I am confused terribly as I cannot understand people, I cannot make right choices, I have trusted the wrong people or the whole world seems wrong to me, can’t decide at all. I don’t know what should I call this stage? Seems like it’s a never ending phase and I got no one who can listen to me. Some think that I am burden, some criticize my presence in there lives, for some I am a joke which can make them laugh endlessly. No body has taken me seriously, when I talk a lot, they call me desperate and over friendly and when I do not talk at all, they call me mad. I don’t know what they want? I am trying just trying to change my life the way I want to but I cannot change it according to my specifications its may be because of my circumstances , some call it an excuse , some say I am attention seeker but no body says I am a human and I have heart , I too feel bad sometimes. Please don’t break my heart so continuously; I am afraid I will die. I don’t need anyone’s company or sympathy and I am not desperate for friends, I am happy to be me and I am happy alone but at least let me live my life. Please my life is already a big stinking mess and I don’t want any more garbage bags so please forgive and forget me. Choose another topic for laughter and entertainment; I am just a human being dying to feel like a human.

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