Tuesday, October 25, 2011


Laughing at my funeral

I always talk about sadness and sex. Well I guess some how they also have some connection. Like I always feel sad when I am deprived of sex. I need sex and I know I want it. Right now my life is screwed up, you must be laughing right now as my readers are fully aware of the fact that I am never happy, so it’s not the new thing for them to read. Sometimes you are fully aware about your future in advance due to uncertain day to day experiences. Every day is a teaching and I am done with this teaching now.

I cannot tolerate more. Every time when I am sad, people come in and advice me something or the other, basically that old shit. I am just not ready to explore. Seems like every day is a burden now and it’s hard to live like that. I want to work for myself, I want to pursue my dreams, and I want to be myself. It seems like I am living in someone else body. My soul is rented, my life is rented. I cannot think positive especially after so much negativity. I have tried everything from vastu to fengshui to astrology to this and that but no hope at all.

I have learnt one thing that no matter how much you try you cannot achieve if your destiny is not with you. The pathetic speeches look excellent from the mouth of a successful person but the most amazing words will be considered useless from the mouth of an ordinary man. In the world where we dream of becoming perfect, it seems like it’s so tough to achieve them in reality as people who are around us are always ready to create obstacles every second, its becoming impossible to achieve the aim. Well all the desires are cropped up. I have also learnt one thing that hard work is the only way we all got, no matter how much hard we have to work.

Fengshui, vastu and astrology are all easy shortcuts which do not give anything except sadness. Sometimes we are compelled to do wrong to others in order to survive and I am seriously frustrated now as everything is running against me. Sometimes we face a phase when no body likes us and whomsoever we connect to we face betrayal. Earlier I used to be so insecure about my future but now I am little bit strong and my insecurities are no more a dominant feature. Well I used to consult so many astrologers earlier and some said I will die very soon , some say that I will get dozens of fake friends , some said that I will not achieve this or that .

So every person has different opinions and comments. The bottom line is every one is after money and today money is the only god we have got. There is no connection of a human to another human. There is no love or emotion. There is nothing in this world. Everything is a showbiz. I don’t care about anything now. I am ready for everything now. I know we all will die one day, so why to waste time in being insecure as fear is not for good. So today onwards I will welcome everything because ups and downs are the part of life. We cannot change the attitude of others towards us. If some people think I am bad then let them think like that as I cannot force them to change there thinking or there misconceptions against me.

Some even say that I am desperate and I take it as a compliment. Well it’s the job of people to talk about others as they do not have anything else to talk about. Well its good to hear that there empty lives are much worse than my controversial life. There misconceptions feed them with laughter and I am not sorry about anything now as some people do not deserve anything.

My apologies may be considered as desperation or insecurity so I am happy to be me, good or bad does not matter as no one is feeding me. I am earning my bread by my hard work and I am not living on someone’s mercy. So won’t take anyone’s bloody comment or fucking attitude. Those who hate me may go to hell as soon as possible and that’s my deepest polite prayer which may come true.

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