Friday, September 30, 2011

my family hates me as i am a dickhead.

Cannot tolerate the torture

I am always criticized for so many things. But sometimes some things are so annoying and hurting that you cannot do anything except crying. I am blessed with torture. I am always disliked by my relatives and by my parents. They think that I am a shit. I was never the favorite child. They did whatever they can to make me dance on there tunes and till some time I did. I was unaware that I am being used. Giving birth to a child is easy but taking care of the child is a responsible job. My family’s priority was money. They never considered family as an option. They thought and they still think that family and children can be raised easily by nature, we just need to fill our pockets with money. I got the best lifestyle I could imagine. I was lucky to get branded clothes, delicious food, nice house and lots of facilities but in return they expected a lot. I was ready to fulfill there bloody expectations but when they started hitting my soul, I lost all of my strength and attachment.

The days I have seen are so pathetic that I cry when I remember them. Still things are not so favorable at personal level. I am completely damaged. I guess no one should attach themselves with me as I am a complete mess now. I am so much tortured that my mental alertness is gone. My all the expectations are finished, thanks to my family that they made me such a dumb shit that no body likes me. At start when people are unaware about me they talk to me or they think that I am normal but broadly speaking I am abnormal. I don’t have any aim, I don’t have any plan. I am just passing my time here till I die. I don’t have any excitement, I don’t like anyone, and I don’t want any date at all.

I am just 22 years old and I am doing interior designing and also working as a designer. My family has given me so many names like BULL DOG, DONKEY, STREET DOG, SHIT, DICKHEAD, ASSHOLE, BASTARD etc…I forgot some names but will post them next time. They say that I am the worst designer of this world and they hate this profession of mine. They say that I will never earn a single penny in this profession. Basically they want me to quit my studies and carry on with family business. Lots of relatives suggest this. I want education as education is the only way to increase knowledge and understanding but my family is totally against this rule. They want me to get married to a village girl who can cook well and can live her entire life in SAARI. I prefer love marriage but they are against it. I know I might be an asshole but I am not a machine. I too have some likes and dislikes. My family cannot purchase me by giving food, clothing and shelter to me.

I am not the one who will sell myself for money. I am not obsessed with anything. I am just little practical and selfish. I prefer to do the things which give me happiness and I also prefer my selfless side many times but my family ignores my dedication and adjustment. I have ignored myself so badly that I don’t have words to portray my sadness. There was a time when I used to look like a bloody servant doing all the dirty jobs and washing the dirty laundry of the family. I have never considered my happiness, I always considered there happiness. I sacrificed lot of things but they ignored everything intentionally. Frankly speaking I am alone in this world. My friends are very limited as they often get offended and annoyed because of my sadness and invisible nature.

I cannot predict my priorities and I don’t know my goal. I am finished. Today I Pulkit mohan singla is confessing in front of you that I am a NOBODY.

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