Tuesday, March 8, 2011
respect - thats all what i ask for...
I love my family and i respect them and i am grateful to them for giving me this life and actually this wonderful life. I always feel secure and full because of the means i got.
I am glad that i have this big family full of uncles and aunts and cousins and everyone. From outside there is no problem at all and its so cool to have this big circle. Don't actually need friends.
That was my pure thinking when i was a school going kid and maybe i was immature to understand this world and its complications. I knew at some point that life is not easy but it would be so difficult to imagine that life is not at all easy.
I have always thought that no matter how much problems i have , i still have this support and yeah family support is a lot. It really builds your confidence and strength to do something in life.
I was a very naughty kid and always took life easy till my mother was with me. Its strange and i too wonder that how much time has changed and the process is so quick. I was always concerned with toys and friends and good food and TV and video games and it was the best time. I knew that time is changing and day by day , i will get more responsibilities and duties but i didn't knew that my identity will fade one day.
I was crazy for this glamour field and bollywood , everything seems so great and perfect. I know its not that glam , hard work is still there and sometimes great amount of hard work if you are not a star kid.
I always used to tell my family that i want to be an actor or model , so i need to join gym to have a good physique and as my both the parents height is small , i always wanted to do something about my height.
I remember i always used to ask them that please do something for my height.
Is there any instructor?? or i should seriously join a gym..please can i ?
All these questions were asked everyday and the answer was terrible. I was always scolded and abusive language was the cherry on the cake of scolding. I was hating my life and i was afraid from my family.
They always liked and loved me till i am listing them like a loyal dog and there was no point when i can really make any decision. I had no confidence left in me. I didn't even liked to make friends or shopping and all those recreational activities were not for me. I was hatting every thing about me. Giving food , clothing and shelter and fulfilling the basic requirements is not enough and satisfactory . Respect is equally important and i have a big mouthful right on it.
I don't care if an outsider does not respect me because they do not matter to me. What really matters is my family and my relatives and my friends. They are special to me and they live in my heart. No matter how badly i behave with them or they behave with me, i still know that somewhere they are for me and i am for them but here the case was opposite.
They hate me and there is no end to this issue. I made some mistakes in my life and i am still paying those bills and i always get scolding about those mistakes , i try to forget them and move on but they wont let me forget my mistakes and weakness. I never point out there mistakes and i never judged them but still they never understand that i am also a human carrying a god damn heart and i too feel bad and i too get hurt...