Saturday, February 26, 2011

who i am?

who i am? i ask myself and why i am in this world? and why in this phase? and why i am handling this? why i am blamed? i have lot of questions in my mind. i don't know whenever i feel i am weak , i ask myself a bunch of questions and all of them left unanswered and i was the one always trying to know the reason..

I am not God and i do mistakes and i am still doing them knowingly and unknowingly. Sometimes time and destiny force us to do something we don't want to. I cannot control my destiny and i cannot dominate nature.

Whenever i try to do things right , i hurt some or the other person around me and i feel bad in doing that. I don't know that who is affected and whom i offended. Sometimes i know i offended a particular person but i have no choice. Life is too messy at my space and i feel helpless and hopeless.

I do good and its not even acknowledged and when i do bad it is again and again get unnecessary publicity. People cannot forgive but can only blame. If i am blamed for wrong then why i am not getting reward for good.

There was a time when i couldn't handle ignorance but now its fine . Now , i am capable of handling everything and i am addicted to loneliness and i enjoy it too. I don't care if i am counted or not.

I don't know why its easy to blame each other. I have not seen any single person who lies for someone else for the good. We all are fully developed in making things according to us and we all can easily fool anyone , thanks to our so called race we all are taking part in , yeah the race to make others feel down.

There were many situations where people made fun of me and used me and kicked me like a strange stone and i remember whatever happened with me. Each and everything is still fresh in my memory. I cannot forgive them who made my life horrible and some of them are still in my contact and i am compelled to show them that i am okay with there existence in my life but i don't want to show that to them. I want to be honest here , i want to tell them that how much i hate them and i cannot forgive them for what they did to me.

I know many of you might be glad to see me in trouble. Lot of readers might be smiling right now as they enjoy me suffering. I don't know why they hate me so much?

If i am wrong somewhere then they must come and settle it and clear the misunderstanding but they will not do that , instead they stay quiet and try there best to isolate me from the whole world and some even succeeded in this game and i am the one called stupid again. So enjoy and be happy as you know that i am suffering and i know you are ready to party now.

I admit that i say what i feel and i cannot hold this and i cannot digest what i feel. someone somewhere told me that never tell your problems to others blah blah blah , i know its a saying , a kind of forwarded message but for me i enjoy there pleasure as they get pleasure when i am sad. I do this because when they will suffer and someone will laugh at them , at that time they will remember what they did to me and how nicely they laughed at me and i wish to see that moment of expression..god please save me and guide me into the world of honest people who can at least give me respect..thank you


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