Sunday, November 28, 2010
still cant believe that i lost her
Its bad , its annoying and simply irritating. Sometimes , no every time i hate myself for being mean even for a minute. I hate it and this nature and this side of mine.
I always wanted to be a nice guy who is loved by everyone. I always lived and believed in a life which is free from troubles and problems. Infact the childhood stories were dominating my life independently and i was loving them and trying to see them on each and every corner but i found darkness and only darkness. I am deeply connected to my family like a normal human being and i am an emotional guy , you can say i am very sentimental and silly.
I love my mom and i never knew how much i love her, its infinite. Its unpredictable and i love my father and my sister. For me they are my life and no one else. I never knew anyone so closely .
It feels different and strange because i lost one member and part of my life and that's my mom. Its been 7 years but still everything is fresh and same . I cant forget that. I still cant believe that i lost my mom. Its a feeling that cannot be expressed easily and i am not getting any good reason that why i am getting irritated again and again.
I just cant digest that this happened to me. I am not accepting this. Sometimes i blame god. Frankly speaking i blame god every time. I was a very religious person but now i don't even remember the prayers. Its been years and i have not gone to worship god in any temple and i foolishly look out for excuses to avoid festivals.
Its disgusting and i am so much bored with all those things people say " LIKE WE UNDERSTAND" OR ITS OK " ETC..what the hell? how they understand. What i am going through is different and how anyone can understand that feeling? just please stop using these sympathy lines , they are not helpful and they are more and more teasing.
My mother faced a lot. Whenever i saw her , she was in pain . I hate that time but i still cant believe that she is no more. sometimes it feels like she is still in the hospital and she will come back soon.
really cant believe that i lost her.