Wednesday, November 24, 2010

feeling suicidal


image source: internet


I am feeling helpless. Problems are not ending and getting more complicated day by day. It seems like life is not life , its just a phase where you only suffer pain , ignorance, humiliation , frustration and it sucks.

I don't know where life is taking me or what i want from this life. I am totally jumbled now. God i miss my childhood, it was heaven and i still remember each day like it happened yesterday.

I don't understand this life. I just want to ask " how things work?" what i read is not happening and what i did not expected even in my wildest dreams is happening so easily on daily basis.

I never knew that i have to face so many problems. I hate myself sometimes because i was so stupid. I trusted the wrong people , i liked the backstabbing parasites, my friend circle was full of greedy nasty devils , my relatives are just so crazy like a mad bull as they cant see me in a good position.

Whomsoever i choose and helped became my enemy. Its a simple but disgusting feeling , i hate when people bring jealousy between friendships. I asked lot of people ,the reason behind there mind fucking horrible behaviour and luckily lot of them gave the reason which i expected.

Yes ! the reason was jealousy. Damn i am shocked by seeing the weakness of human nature. Why some people become slave of there so called needs and they forget all those things and all the time spent together and emotions become a toy for them.

I am getting sick here by watching heartless fucking idiots who are using my sentiments and emotions again and again and they are such a fucking bloody assholes that they do not have any shame left.

I guess they are not even humans any more. Some of my so called relatives are also the part of this asshole category who are just mean and mean nothing else.

sometimes i feel that why i have to face this? why?

May be there is no end to it , being selfish and plastic is the real fashion adopted by billions of people and emotional freaks like me cant survive easily. Sometimes i feel suicidal , i know its a mad side of my brain. Its simply weakness. The thing is i don't want to die because of some fucking assholes, i just don't want to see this attitude and this disgusting behaviour any more.

I am failed to fill the generation gap between me and my father , i am failed to convince my friends that i am not egoistic or mean , i am failed to convince my relatives that i am not clever , i am failed to convince my partner that i believe in love and not lust .

Damn the list is endless. Just cant take more and more blame.I am feeling that i have gone crazy but still living and trying my best to make things work. I hope they work. Fingers are crossed...

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