Monday, September 13, 2010
why i am alive???
Seriously no hope in my life. I have been trying my best to do what i could to make my life better but everything is out of my hands now. I don't got any friends , those who are with me are not friends and my family do not understand me .
everything is miserable and i am pathetic and i admit that fact. Whatever i wish , i get opposite of that. I need perfection but i always get pain and tensions and miserable situations.
No body is understanding me and nobody can understand me. My college life sucks , no friends , bad faculty and worse is the timings. I hate this generation gap between me and my father and family off course.
I am trying my level best to understand them and follow them but they are not doing a single 1 % effort to know me and my dreams and my likings. I am hating this life and i sometimes regret why i am alive ?
i don't know , i know i am being weak over here but cant help it. life has always been tough for me with serious challenges and no rewards but i cant take this shit anymore.
Whomsoever i tried to love rejected me. Well they decide on the basis of photographers and well good looks and perfect body are the demands. it clearly seems that lust is wining and love is fail today.
I tried so hard to get that stupid abs and that silly 6pack kind of stuff for some so called useless candidates but i was a big loser . Being born in aggarwal family made my life more challenging when it comes to being a fitness freak.
I hate when parents show there love in shape of foods and specially all that weight gaining stuff. And they don't want to understand me. Its sick you know that. I always wanted to be a model and look no body is encouraging. I got so many chances to be a model and lot of agents contacted me but my family again bounced and started that so called emotional drama.
what the hell ..? what to do?
but that's silly life is going day by day. each day is wasted so easily and i cant control it any more. now i am not that smiling pulkit. i am a tensed , irritated , arrogant , purely insane pulkit and life is making me worse.
i don't believe in god any more. they took my mother and still they are not doing much for me. I know i should not blame god but cant help it. I am tired of blaming myself and family and now god is left .
anyway i am so so pissed off now