Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Things are different now
I never took my life seriously , i always thought that life is casual and i will overcome whatever is coming in my way but i was so wrong. The moments i have gained and loved were only in my childhood and that was my best time of my entire life.
Yes ! entire life. I really don't know how my life would be after 10 years and where i will see myself and trust me its hard to make future plans because you cannot guarantee whats gonna happen next?
so i let it go like ocean sand and I'm bound to believe the fact that everything is going on for a purpose and i am part of it or if i think supernaturally then god is doing all these stuff or he/she is making me do that but things are different now and would be more different in coming future.
I am no more the guy who used to worship god and believe that things would turn out cool as i will be doing worship thing but now i know if somethings bad gonna happen with me , it will happen no matter how much i try to convince god to listen to me. If god wants to punish me , i will be punished and that's a bitter fact and i am loving that for now for sure.
I blindly believed that god turns out everything from bad to good with there magic wind but no everything is opposite of that. I lost my mother when i was a child . I don't find myself extraordinary looking.
My sex life is NIL , my love life is NIL , my social culture is not satisfying , My emotional stability is ZERO , my own family do not trust me , everywhere i see is a world full of problems , backstabbers , lies and i luckily get people who give me problems and who backstabbes me easily and i trusted liers and i handled so called plastic attitude of not so human people and its happening constantly everyday.
I tried to change myself and i became plastic and i started acting jerk but its not me and i was trying my best to adapt to this so called plastic life where we make fun of people and don't count emotions at all but i failed to carry that personality for long
and again i became that old silly , sentimental , emotional and love seeking guy but it feels good when i do not cheat my soul anymore and follow my heart. I know that i will never be a big entity and my ambitions will vanish because i just cant be rude , plastic and clever but i don't care
and i want to utilise each and every day of my life like this and i am learning and trying to understand people and there attitudes and surprisingly i got to meet people who are like me and it feels satisfactory.