Wednesday, September 22, 2010
need a change now
Its not like that. I have always loved my nature and respected it in every sense but my this nature is creating difficulties in survival because the world around me is different , in fact its full of tests and board exams.
Yeah , each and every moment of life is scary like board exams. That fear is back as i have so many challenges but i believe in me and i believe in my love towards myself and my family.
when i was young i used to think that all the problems are gone if you live above the clouds and in fact on the clouds..lol. so , i used to say to my parents that take me to the clouds above and i want to live there because there are no problems over there, everyone is honest and loving there. I still laugh at myself.
Really , childhood is a blessing and it feels bad to lose it.
Now as i am grown up , every need is increasing and its difficult to maintain a balance and sex is the basic and most important need emerging and i cant deny it. Its hectic. Its unbelievable to express and i cant forget this need. I can sleep empty stomach but ignoring sex is a sin for me. well,cant help it.
My body is demanding sex and its natural but i have got lots of responsibilities , may be more than any other adult. It feels awkward to tell this but i don't care , that's a biggest weakness in me , i am straight forward , i just say what i feel. that's why lots of people don't like me but still they are with me to get there works done.
I lost my mother when i was a kid and cant explain that period till now. It was like living in an empty house , where no one to talk to. I never had friends because no body is interested in talking to a bore like me , who has nothing exciting to say except being alone or sharing problems.
well nature really matured me at an early age, i never hangout because i don't like it. you can say that i am not used to it or may be didn't got chance to know what is this really means.
I have always shared my life with myself and wow i really know myself. i am better than those who are running for love and care but i don't need it anymore because i give love to myself and i know how to take care of myself and what i really need and what i really want.
Its absurd to even think about people who will come and help you or pamper you. well , nobody has got time. every body is singing there own songs and they want you to shut up.
It might happen with you too. Don't you think that you are giving too much attention to those who do not deserve it but you still do in a hope that you will get that attention back and it will not happen and even if it happens you have to be damn careful because its a animal world. you constantly have to be alert.
Lots of people asked me that i should change myself and do all that buttering kind of stuff in order to please some assholes but i cant live a double life. I feel different and uncomfortable if i do not spit out whatever is going in my head and what i feel for a particular person.
I know people get hurt but i was also hurted and its stupidity to lead a fake life based on fake love and fake artificial relationship. its just a simple and negative way of satisfying yourself that " ya ! i love this person and this person loves me too".