Sunday, January 31, 2010

writing with frustration

sometimes some things happen in our life that make our life something we have never imagined. It really changes our vision towards life.
If something good have happened with you in your life then its OK you will not give credit to that thing for long and you will not even to the person who created it but if something bad happens to your life you can't forget that till your last breath.

I did numerous mistakes in my life that really makes me sick sometimes. Earlier i used to think that growing up is good but i guess its a nightmare that should never happen with you.

We meet different people from different backgrounds and those people really reflects something to us and leave an impact on our life in some way.

But what happens when we choose wrong people who really makes our life worse than hell? I regret sometimes that why i trusted wrong people ?

why i was sentimental?

why i allowed people to play with my emotions?

why i was acting blind ?

why i didn't said No?

why i was quite?

why i wasn't courageous?

why i let them screw my life?

why I was so helpless?

why it only happened with my life?

why god didn't helped me?

why why why?

It happens with everyone and we ask our self this why question and we also know that sometimes we have answers and sometimes we are just a question bank full of guilt , pain and that stupid feeling that makes us feel pathetic.

I was a real freak. I call myself freak because i was not clever. I dream of having a perfect life with beautiful people but its just a dream and it will remain dream forever because life is beautiful but people are not.

Its a survival that we all our waiting for. In every ones life sometimes this situation comes when you feel so bad that you feel to logout from this life. I really don't know about life after death.

Maybe i will get heaven and may be i deserve hell..who knows? may be this hell or heaven thing do not exist..

we all are self centred people and i don't deny in that fact. I admit that i am self centred , greedy , impatient , egoistic , nerd guy and i am proud of it now because my this nature protects me from being hurt .

I needed change and i changed myself because i was compelled to do that. Some people are real monsters who enter your life and turn your life into a dirty garbage and i also met those monsters who did whatever they could to destroy me .

But i don't know how i survived? may be the almighty wants me to fight till my last breath and i am ready for it.

Now i have only one motto and that is no trust thing. I really don't trust anyone , anyone means anyone it doesn't exclude my family. I know i will die alone one day nobody will die with me to give me company and nobody would cry more than a month for me and i also don't expect anything now from anyone. Because when you expect you suffer.

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